Ms. Vampy is America's funniest, sexiest, sassiest and most high maintenance Brooklyn vampire! Her personality is as big as her hair and is often described as Betty Boop meets Marisa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny. She loves pleather and fur and wouldn’t be caught "dead" without high heels! But, there's much more to this loveable vampiress.
While she looks young and vibrant, Ms. Vampy is one of the oldest gals on earth. At 110-years-old, she was born in Transylvania. She was a shy and innocent child, but after a few too many shots of Lauder’s Scotch Whisky on her 18th birthday, she jumped on the bike of a tattooed mate and sealed her fate! Moments after being bitten, she grew wildly thick hair, fangs, plump lips and bodacious tatas. As she puts it, "I went from being a brainy bookworm to a blood-loving, vampire sexpot in just minutes."
In the 1920s, Ms. Vampy's travels took her to New York and she fell in love with Brooklyn. It was there where she developed her attitude, sarcastic sense of humor, and ridiculous accent. She spent most of her time in the big apple filming movies and seeing Broadway shows, but she has a secret many don't know…Ms. Vampy went crazy for Philadelphia Eagles football and soon became an assistant coach, but was fired after one month for not showing up to any day games. She moved back to New York for a short time, but a torrid love affair with a very jealous and young Wall Street vampire went bad, so she headed west to seek out new friends and victims.
These days, Ms. Vampy lives in her Hollywood Villa and is a Life Coach to the rich and famous. She is often seen on night shoots, shopping in Beverly Hills for Dior or hanging out at Lakers' games with her celebrity friends. She loves 80s rock and disco, her favorite band is Vampire Weekend and she never misses American Idol, The Voice or Millionaire Matchmaker on TV. Her secret dream is to join the cast of HBO’s True Blood (of course, she thinks it’s a "reality" show)! She enjoys Godiva Chocolates and Bloody Marys and she loves to play Xbox when she’s feeling feisty. While she has yet to marry or have children, she freely admits to being boy crazy and hopes to someday make-out with Robert Pattinson.
Now, who better to give the world advice than a 110 year old Vampire who has seen it all and has a heart of gold?
Check out her new show MS. VAMPY'S BITES and email your advice questions to: email@example.com
*And, please let us know your full name and city and state that you are in, so she can give you and your question a shout out with LOVE on the video!!!
Ms. Vampy is forever sexy, funny, young, and obnoxious, but her heart is as big as her mouth. If she ever bites you, it'll be with love.
- Editor, Vampity Fair